You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you, you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.—Will Smith, Pursuit of Happyness
If you read the last post you know all about The Breakup.
I survived.
Even though I still miss “our” life together, things haven’t been as difficult as I thought they would be the night he left.
I mentioned in The Breakup post that I was considering a summer stay in Chicago. The temporary relocation isn’t about fleeing a city that I fear might be too small for me and my ex. I’m not worried about running into him and his beautiful new girlfriend. No. The stay in Chicago is about me finally doing something for ME. If you’ve read previous posts you know my experiences with giving until it hurts and putting others before me. Relationships have been no exception. I know. Someone out there should slap my hand or shake me silly for what I just admitted, but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone; especially among other women; whether it’s a significant other or our children, we place others in the VIP position that should be reserved for ourselves.
So my SIC (Summer in Chicago) is all about getting back in touch with my star player: ME.
Truthfully, I’ve always fantasized about living in Chicago. But I’m a planner and somewhat of a control freak so the timing was never really right. As much as I admire people who can relocate with a suitcase and a hope and dream without a job prospect or a permanent residence, that doesn’t work for me. Then when I finally landed a job that would allow me to telecommute from almost anywhere in the country, I got a boyfriend, and literally stumbled upon a house purchase. Life was good. And I never really had anything AGAINST Mil-town. So, I tucked away my dreams of calling the Windy City home, and settled into Milwaukee living.
Fast forward a few years and the craving for Chicago have returned. Since selling my home in the current market is almost a joke, the option of moving to Chicago isn’t up for discussion. But an extended vacation? That’s a possibility!
Recently in my excitement I casually shared my idea with a few people and received some responses that temporarily put a damper on my spirits.
Conversation A
Me: Hey! So I’m thinking about subleasing an apartment in Chicago this summer!
Him (laughing) Why would you want to do that?
Huh?
Conversation B
Me: Hey! So I’m thinking about subleasing an apartment in Chicago this summer!
Her: Um, do you really have money like that to just throw away on an apartment? You already have a mortgage.
Did she say ‘throw away!?
She didn’t need to remind me of the chunk of change I’m shelling out each month on my mortgage but I thanked her anyway before hanging up the phone.
One person laughed and reminded me that we were not ‘young kids’ anymore who can go traipsing around the country.
Did she say traipse?
*sigh*
This was not a good sign.
But it wasn’t the first time I had received such a response to an idea I shared. A while ago I mentioned to a colleague the launch of a group I’m working on, and before I could complete my sentence, she shook her head adamantly.
“Nah, that’s not going to work. Milwaukee already had something like that. And it didn’t work. Milwaukee isn’t ready.”
I was a hair away from reminding her that she’s lived out of state for the past 4 years; so how would she know what will or won’t work in Milwaukee. But then I remembered my grandmother’s lesson that everything that comes up shouldn’t come out. So I held my tongue.
Instead I listened and learned that part of the reason for my colleague’s response was rooted in the fact that about a decade earlier, she and some girlfriends had attempted to start a similar group and it had failed. I’ll learn from her failures, but I don’t have to own them. And her experience doesn’t have to prevent me from moving forward with my own plan.
Lately my mantra has become “Thank God for Growth” Without growth, when you are not certain of who you are and the choices you’re making, you allow others’ opinions to shake what you know and feel in your spirit is a good decision for YOU.
I’m also doing some housekeeping to rid myself of a silent but deadly poison: Dreamkillers. Those who stomp on your dreams, wish you failure, question your next move, doubt your faith and ultimately eat away at your confidence and replace it with self-doubt. They may not be bad people; most aren’t. But it’s necessary to be selective about who you share your dreams with. Sure, you need reality checks every now and then. But the way I look at it, unless I’m planning to do something illegal or immoral, I should have the support and trust of those closest to me. Regardless of opinions, my plans for Chicago are shaping up nicely, and even if it’s not the entire summer, I’m heading down for an extended vacation to enjoy myself, the food, the people, the dating scene and to make some new friends.
Sometimes you have to let go of people or situations in order to do what’s best for you, to excel and to receive the blessings that are in store for you. After all, it’s impossible to fly as high with dead weight.
