Just when you thought the coverage limits on His Royal Fourness had been maxed out, they added another scene to this theater of the absurd.
Because on Sunday, you learned how to track Brett Favre’s flight from Mississippi to Green Bay. The link was right there on the front page of JSOnline.
Only Santa’s sleigh is stalked so keenly, and St. Nick has NORAD on his side.
But while NORAD’s high-tech bunker can track aircraft, missiles and flying reindeer, can it predict this story’s path? Doubtful.
It’s tempting to think that a boots-on-the-ground Brett must win Green Bay’s starting quarterback job. The Packers have declared it an open competition, and if it’s a fair one (which is debatable), surely Favre can beat out Aaron Rodgers.
Yet if this summerlong saga has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t trust the script. M. Night Shyamalan thinks it’s too farfetched.
Brett retired. He cried. He Maddened. He unretired. He re-retired. He Lettermaned. He itched. He started rumors. He refuted rumors. He Van Susterened. He demanded his release. He refused trades. He high-schooled. He was bribed. He flew. He landed.
And after all that, do you really think the plot twists are exhausted?
I sure don’t. Not when the Journal Sentinel reports that a trade to the Vikings remains a distinct possibility. Not when a training camp full of Favre vs. Rodgers could morph into Steve Smith vs. Ken Lucas.
There are just too many directions this thing could go and too many questions to answer.
Can Favre possibly win back the trust of his teammates? It won’t be as easy as a few hugs and hand pounds, much to Stuart Scott’s chagrin.
What happens if Favre loses the battle to Rodgers? Does Brett begin the whole retire/unretire cycle again? Of course. At least until Week 2, when Rodgers is hurt in a tragic high-fiving incident.
Would baseball enigma Manny Ramirez really have looked good in Green and Gold? Not sure, but it would’ve been fun watching him try.
What if the Packers completely change gears and follow my advice (still free of charge) to trade Rodgers? Because with Favre back in camp, Aaron is telling his agent two things: We’re outta here when my contract’s up, and find me a Brett Favre voodoo doll.
And will Ted Thompson’s prescription be for Valium or Prozac? Probably Valium. It’s cheaper.
Bottom line: This thing didn’t end when Favre’s plane touched down. Actually, it’s just begun.
So get on the hotline to NORAD. They’ve got work to do.
Word of the Day
Favring
Definitions: 1) An inability to decide on something, even after an extraordinarily long deliberation marked by numerous changes of heart. 2) Extreme flip-flopping.
Examples: 1) Brett is favring about his retirement. 2) The jury continued to favre about the defendant’s fate until finally deadlocking. 3) I’m favring between the chocolate cake and apple pie. 4) Many Democrats favred over voting for Obama or Clinton.
In other news…
Recovery Time
Impressive honors for Ryan Braun and CC Sabathia. And we’ll write more about the Brewers eventually, but not until the swelling from that Cubs battery subsides.
(Tuesday morning update)
OK, I couldn’t resist, especially since the Brewers are now beating on each other.
The most significant thing to come from Monday night’s dugout scuffle isn’t that Prince Fielder and Manny Parra aren’t exchanging friendship bracelets. Teammates fight. They make up. It’s over.
Nor is it that “manager” Ned Yost declined to elaborate on what caused the fracas. Before Yost ever opened his mouth, you knew he’d resort to his legendary bunker mentality. (Seriously, the man must have had relatives at the Maginot Line, right?)
No, the key here is Yost’s other postgame comments, when he chastised the media for even asking about the squabble.
“It’s a little bit rude when your neighbors are fighting next door for you to go over and ask what happened,” Yost said. “That’s kind of the case here. It’s nobody’s business what happened.”
At least he didn’t flip them the bird, though he sent a verbal equivalent to Brewers fans.
Because fans get their information from the media. And fans paid for Miller Park. And fans pay Yost’s salary. And fans are selling out the place this year because they actually care about the team far more than Yost will ever care about them.
The Brewers are not your neighbors. They’re your baseball team. They’re a veritable public institution, only without those pesky elections.
So when two of your top players come to blows, and four teammates have to haul Fielder away, of course it’s the fans’ business. And of course the media is right to ask about the fight, especially when it’s in the dugout, caught on tape, and leads “SportsCenter” that night.
But Yost doesn’t think you deserve an answer. Moreover, he berates you for even entertaining the notion.
I shudder to think how he’d handle a job in New York.
And I wonder how long fans will still want him here.
Request Granted
In case you missed it, the Packers tied up a major loose end by coming to terms with running back Ryan Grant.
Were it not overshadowed by the Favre frenzy, Grant’s holdout would’ve been the story of training camp. Instead, the fate of Green Bay’s top running back was largely ignored, which is another indicator of just how bamboozled we are with all things Brett.
The Art of Artest
The next time you think Ron Artest would look good in a Milwaukee Bucks uniform, remember how his career with the Houston Rockets started. Especially his quote about the fight that made him infamous.
“If you go back to the brawl, that’s a culture issue right there,” Artest says. “Somebody was disrespecting me, so he’s got to understand where I’m coming from. People that know me know that Ron Artest never changed.”
Which brings back fond memories of Sam Smith’s Sporting News note about the Bucks’ draft, when he quoted a scout’s take on Luc Richard Mbah a Moute: “Ron Artest without the crazy.”
One other Bucks aside: The team’s made it easy to follow Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut in the Olympics with a page dedicated to their exploits.
And Finally…
Tune in every Tuesday morning during the 6 o’clock hour when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
