“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
-William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Every year, when one beholds the Sporkies and Drinkies finalists, it becomes difficult to deny the vast richness of human experience, the bounds past which man has yet to reach, the wild and treacherous regions of fried delight our taste buds have not yet touched. This year is no different. On Thursday, the Wisconsin State Fair announced the finalists in its annual contest celebrating strange and inventive foods and drinks dreamed up by its vendors.
Historically, Sporkies and Drinkies finalists have run the gamut from Abominations in the Eyes of All That Is Good all the way through to Transcendent Beauty in Fried Form. How will these hold up? The only way to know for sure is to try them. They’ll all be available at the State Fair from July 31-Aug. 10. And the winners of the “Golden Spork and Cup” will be announced beforehand.
It’s time to pick your Milwaukee favorites for the year!
The Sporkies Finalists:
A Hunk A Hunk Elvis Donut Ice Cream Sandwich (Badger Bites)
This Grebe’s Bismark donut is stuffed with a scoop of banana ice cream swirled with salty peanut butter ripple and chocolate chips. Clearly that’s not just enough, so they also topped this with chocolate and peanut butter sauce, crispy bacon and powdered sugar. The real question is whether a couple Tums will come complimentary with this one.
Blueberry Breakfast Bratwurt (Milwaukee Brat House)
Spoiler alert – there are multiple brat options for this year’s Sporkies (as is only fitting). This Usinger’s Blueberry-infused brat is wrapped inside a flapjack, paired with a sweet and smoky house-made bourbon bacon jam.
Brat Rangoon (WürstBar)
Aaaand here’s the second brat Sporkie finalist. If you don’t like your brat breakfast-ified, try this German-Asian fusion approach to Wisconsin’s favorite sausage. These deep-fried wonton wrappers are filled with bratwurst, cream cheese, green onion and melted cheese, and then drizzled with sweet and sour sauce and topped with Nori Komi Furikake seasoning.
Gochujang Smashburger with Kimchi Bacon Jam (Blue Moon Tavern at the Park)
You get double smash patties here, with gouda, gochujang sauce, cucumbers and kimchi bacon jam on a brioche bun, finished with fresh cilantro. Not really related to the food, but the slightly blurry photo quality makes me think of 2005 – interesting year. No iPhone out yet, Facebook was still a niche thing connecting college kids, our attention spans hadn’t atrophied into next to nothing. Anyway, more weird food!
Mexican Street Corn Pizza (Charlie’s Pizza)
What you have here is a pizza, as you might imagine from the name. This colorful sucker is topped with sweet corn, mozzarella, cotija cheese, spicy mayo and fresh lime.
Pretzaroni Pizza Brat (Gertrude’s Pretzels)
There’s not one, not two, but three brat Sporkie finalists this year! This one feels a little like something your uncle came up with after a few High Lifes – a pretzel-pizza-brat. They took a garlic parmesan brat, wrapped it in pretzel dough lined with pepperoni, baked it, and then topped it with homemade garlic parm, served it with a side of marina.
S’mores Churro Fries (Saz’s BBQ)
We’re getting back into the sweet side of the Sporkies here. These cinnamon-sugar churro fries are topped with marshmallow crème, chocolate sauce and crushed graham crackers.
Ube Butter Banana French Toast Lumpia (Lumpia City)
This Filipino-American dessert starts with a traditional lumpia flavor called Turon and then gets funky with it. You have caramelized bananas, French toast and ube butter deep-fried and dusted with powdered sugar.
The Drinkies Finalists:
Carnival Cooler (Tropics at the Fair)
As pink as the pony club, this drink combines watermelon, pickle juice and lemonade with lime, Tajín and hot honey.
Dirty Pancakes (Buzzy Badger)
This Drinkie is billed as “breakfast in a cup,” which is slightly alarming. It’s root beer mixed with vanilla creamer, maple syrup and brown sugar popping boba, topped with whipped cream. And as you can see, there are small pancakes impaled upon the straw for your snacking enjoyment.
Dubai Chocolate Strawberry Smoothie (Caribbean Smoothees)
The strawberry smoothie is swirled with pistachio butter and chocolate topping, garnished with shredded Kataifi and chocolate drizzle. And if you don’t know what Dubai chocolate is, then I’d like to congratulate you on staying off TikTok. (FYI: It’s chocolate filled with kadayik and pistachio, and influencers love it.)
Purple Rain Refresher (Rock and Roll Beer Garden)
This drink never meant to cause you any sorrow. It never meant to cause you any pain. The mix of grape juice, lemonade and grapefruit soda, topped with edible glitter and pop rocks, only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.
