As I settle in to the New Year, hopefully a lucky 13 for all of you, I was thinking that it would be even better if there were some people who would just disappear in the coming months.
Here is my list of the 13 people I’d prefer not to see in ’13. You’ll have your own lists, I know, and some of you will violently disagree with me. Tough. Write your own perspective.
Lance Armstrong – okay I’m jumping on the bandwagon here, but the bully finally came out and admitted he was doping his entire career. True, he did a lot to fight cancer and he should be applauded for that, but I don’t sense he’s all that sorry for what he did, just that he got caught. And a confession to Oprah? Please. Let’s get him on 60 Minutes, then we’ll find out how many lives he really ruined.
Gary Bettman – most of you don’t know who this little weasel is. Which is good. He’s the commissioner of the National Hockey League, and since he took over 20 years ago, it’s the only professional sports league that has had three lockouts, including a full season cancelled. The NHL and the players just settled the latest fiasco, after six months of haggling, allowing them to only play what amounts to half a season this year. Nice. Disappear Gary, for the good of the sport.
Rex Ryan – the big buffoon aka New York Jets coach who talks out of both sides of his mouth, that is when its not stuffed with food, is known as a big bragger who rarely comes through. To show he’s a total ignoramus, he just had a picture of his wife wearing nothing but Jets QB Mark Sanchez’ jersey tattooed on his arm. Now that’s class.
Tim Tebow – Tim of course is the QB who went from the top of the heap – Heisman trophy, National Championships, savior in Denver – to the bottom of the barrel – third string with the Jets. He just won’t go away. His erratic passing is renowned, and the Onion has devoted many parodies to Tim’s failures, including my favorite from before this season: “the ground was quickly emerging as quarterback Tim Tebow’s favorite target and had already received 90 percent of the third-year player’s passes during the first three weeks of training camp.” And even better, he might wind up with the Bears!
Brent Musberger – the long time announcer has been washed up for, well, let’s say a very long time, which he demonstrated at this year’s Rose Bowl, then the BCS National Championship game where the excrement really hit the fan. The poor guy is being ridiculed for ogling over the Alabama quarterback’s girlfriend Katherine Webb (to me, his best comment when the camera funneled in on Katherine was “Whoa!”). At least that showed he was awake which was more than you could say for his performance during the Rose Bowl.
Wayne LaPierre – the chairman of the NRA, who wants everybody to have a gun, is clearly frustrated that people want to regulate assault weapons. If it goes through, it’s really going to limit his hunting.
Jerry Jones – I am sick of this billionaire clown roaming the Dallas Cowboys’ sideline. He keeps trying to buy himself a winner. He keeps failing. Which actually may be a good thing. On second thought, let’s let him stay.
Vladimir Putin – the Russian president’s decision to outlaw the adoption of Russian orphans by Americans not only effects the thousands of parents who were deep into the adoption process, it effects the poor youngsters who have to stay in orphanages rather than benefit from the warmth of a loving family. Way to put politics over little children, Vlad.
Donald Trump – does anyone actually like Donald Trump? Forgetting his hair, which would get him on this list by itself, his presidential escapades and birth certificate stunts last year qualified him to be the most ridiculous billionaire in history.
Mitt Romney – oh, wait, yea…
Allen West – the one-term congressman from Florida, who appropriately lost his re-election bid, was famous for disgusting commentary. My favorite: “I must confess, when I see someone with an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I recognize them as a threat to the gene pool.” Goodbye Allen.
Nancy Pelosi – her unpopularity is renowned, but she’s sort of been out of the limelight lately. Unfortunately, as Minority Leader of the House, she has too many opportunities to suddenly appear. Her most recent claim to fame? Having her status as the least liked member of congressional leadership usurped by John Boehner in December.
John Boehner – see Nancy Pelosi.
Happy New Year. May all the bad things in your life disappear.