Back on the dating scene and I thought I’d share some of my recent dating experiences. For the first time ever I decided to explore the internet dating world. At first I joined out of boredom and curiosity. I was actually shocked when I received messages from several guys my first week. And one week I met up with 3 guys in one day. I met one guy for coffee. One guy for a drink. One guy for dinner. But I remained skeptical. And cautious. I only gave a select few my cell number and that was after a few weeks of constant emails and g-chatting. I always met them out. I never gave any indication where I lived. I created an ambiguous email address for initial contacts that didn’t provide my name (I’m fully aware Google is a powerful tool)
Anyway, here are just a few of my experiences:
Matt was the first guy who reached out to me. From our first message exchange, we had great chemistry. We had a lot in common including the same quirky sense of humor. After a couples weeks of constant emails and g-chats we decided to meet. Just before our date, he asked my height. I shared 5’5 but I informed him that I love heels. His height? He said 5’8. Ok. A bit shorter than what I’m used to, but I didn’t want to let crazy rules like height get in the way of a good connection. The night we met, I spent 2 hours on my hair and makeup and changed 4 times before settling on the first outfit I picked: A black blouse and skirt with heels. When I arrived at the restaurant, my eyes locked on him and was shocked to see that he was in jeans and a t-shirt and had a laptop case slung over his shoulder.
Why was he in jeans and a t-shirt!?!?! Whatever happened to men wanting to make a good first impression? And why the laptop case in the restaurant?
I tried to hide my disappointment, as the chorus to Deana Carter’s ‘Did I shave my legs for this’ played over and over in my head. Instead I put on my biggest smile and walked toward him. As he rose from his seated position, I almost gasped. He was super short and EXTREMELY thin (much thinner than in the picture he’d sent me) He later, matter of factly, told me he didnt like to eat which caused his weight to fluctuate a lot. This was disappointing for me as I love food! He caught me off guard When he hugged me and his face grazed my chest. I did the height calculations in my mind.
I thought he said he was 5’8?
Even with heels on we should’ve been looking each other in the eye.
Oh boy. Did he lie? I think he lied. At best he was 5’5.
As I stood there, towering over him, I realized that I wasn’t bothered by the height as much as I was bothered by the lie which nagged me all night. After we had dinner, we went next door for live music and as we sat there nursing our watered down drinks he clumsily leaned in to kiss me. And then I laughed. He tried again. I laughed. I Apologized. He sighed and tried again. And then the giggles turned into full blown laughter until my sides ached and my face hurt.
(I didn’t think it possible, but this was actually worse than the time I started laughing during sex).
He mumbled something under his breath, settled back into his personal space while I continued to offer apologies laced with quiet giggles. Our date was cut short (pun intended) and although we’ve exchanged a few emails since that night, my laughing fit was the kiss of death.
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Then there was Billy. He was 3 years younger than me. This might as well have been dog years. The first night we met for a drink at one of my fav spots: Bryants on the Southside.
Billy showed up in a dress shirt that hung loosely over his thin frame, tucked into jeans that were a little too low on his rear for my taste. He wore the awkwardness of a teenage boy, hands stuffed into his pockets and a sheepish grin. We took a booth in the back and even though we were the only patrons he proceeded to talk loudly as if we were among 200 people. I asked him one question about his stay in Italy and he talked for 45 minutes without taking a breath. I chalked it up to nerves, thanked him for the drink, hopped in my car and sped off. He messaged me a few nights later asking me to meet up for pool. Despite the saggy jeans and boyish figure he was cool and funny (I’d already determined he wasn’t boyfriend material for me, but, a game of pool wouldn’t hurt). So we played a few games, had a few laughs and when he mentioned he was hungry I asked if he wanted to grab something to eat. He scratched his head and replied that he didn’t want to spend any more money.
huh? OMG.
The next day he called and asked if I wanted to meet for bowling. I declined. And then he proceeded to beg so I ditched my pajamas, dragged myself from the couch and headed to the bowling alley across town. When I arrived he and two friends were finishing up a game.
WTH?
And suddenly I got it. Little Billy had been anxious for me to come out because he wanted to show the older woman off to his boys (who I found out were even younger than he was) I seriously felt like a cougar. I was done. When I announced I was leaving, he hugged me, poked his lip out, buried his face in my neck and in a baby voice that frightened me said “Pweeese don’t go. Pweeese Stay!”
Is this dude looking for a date or a mommy?
I stood there frozen, surveying the bowling alley to make sure there were no familiar faces and then bolted for my car as fast as my stilettos would allow.
He messaged me a few times after to which I responded that I thought he was cool, but I didn’t want to waste his time since I didn’t see a relationship with him. While I havent completely written off younger guys, my experience with Billy definitely left me wondering if i should stick to my “atleast my age if not a few years my senior” rule.
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I met Jerry for coffee. I didn’t feel a spark but he was easy to talk to. Things were going well until 15 minutes in he began suffering from terrible flatulence. Not once did he excuse himself or try to hold back. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. The date ended when I said I needed to get home to let my dog out (no, I don’t have a dog).
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Terry reached out to me and his message said: “I’ve never been with a black woman before. Not really sure how to go about this. Not looking for any strings or anything. Just fun right now. So let’s get together soon.
I laughed, silently thanked him for his honesty and then hit Delete.
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Ryan messaged me and within 5 minutes offered to send me a picture of his goods in exchange for one of me topless or bottomless (he said he wasnt picky).
Not only did I hit delete, I blocked further communication from him.
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I corresponded with Paul for about three weeks. He was a cop. About 10 years my senior and divorced. When we finally met for coffee I thought he was really cute. We talked about his job and politics and cool vacation spots and what was originally supposed to be a quick meet turned into a three hour gab-a-thon. Listening to him talk was comforting and relaxing like a really good massage. Then somewhere in there he told me I wasn’t his type. Ok. No problem. I didn’t even flinch. I casually asked him what his type was: he blushed and said “Well, I’m going to sound really shallow when I say this”. I braced myself but encouraged him to continue. At this point curiosity was killing me. Finally he smiled ear to ear and as if he’d been waiting for someone to ask him that question all his life, he said: “A short, skinny, tomboy with short hair and a flat chest who doesn’t wear makeup or heels.” I downed my coffee, scalding the back of my throat and hauled-ass out of Starbucks. I haven’t spoken to him since.
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After Paul, I decided to delete my profile. I don’t think online dating is for me. Although, the one good thing about online dating is that I didn’t get attached to one guy nor did my confidence take a hit when I found out they weren’t interested in me or we weren’t a good fit. I just moved on to the next one. That was actually empowering and refreshing. I realize that as a single woman, it’s nice to have options. Also, in a weird way, the rejection actually boosted my confidence. I realized that just because a guy isn’t into me doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. It’s just his preference. His POV. His likes and dislikes have nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. (it didn’t hurt that I also just finished reading the Four Agreements; if you’ve read this book you know that one of the agreements basically says don’t take anything personally)
Ultimately I realized what I knew all along: Dating is a numbers game. But most importantly, you have to be yourself and find the person who likes you exactly as you are.
