What does it take to be a good bartender? Do note, when I say bartender, I do not mean the fancy-schmancy, flipping glasses, mixing drinks blindfolded while doing a routine on the uneven bars. No, I’m talking about a person who knows basic mixology, someone who can solve simple math problems and has a personality that’s palatable to everyone. I think we can all agree on that definition, right? More on bartending a few inches lower.
The Tonic Tavern in Bay View has one heck of a location, nestled on the west side of KK near other area mainstays such as The Highbury, Bay View Bowl and Café LuLu. As I arrived, the patio was engaged in buzzing conversation, laughter and cigarettes – all pretty well behaved and clean for an early Friday night. The square-footage of this place is colossal, although with the patio being half of the entire tavern, in the winter months the possibility for a tighter squeeze indoors exists.
The main bar is accessible via a long alleyway sandwiched between a residence on one side and the patios fence on the other. Or, you can traverse the patio, the large, garage-like seating area and enter through the giant retractable doors, which allow the summer breeze to meander through when open. This room will be a winter cocktail destination, what with the fireplace and all. But with all the garage doors it would seem as if it wouldn’t be exempt from our below freezing Milwaukee winters. Then again, I’m no professional on the necessities or intricacies of heating buildings.
The bar area is the farthest point from the street, but once there it is a visual treat. The angled bar and the corner band/DJ area have pleasing acute angles that give respite from the everyday square rooms of our offices and homes. The face of the bar has a lattice light 
thing going on that definitely attracts your attention and makes sure everyone knows where to belly-up for a cocktail. All three sections (patio, garage room and main bar) utilize retro-modern furniture with wood tones and oranges that would make this place pop during the fall months. And what’s a Milwaukee building without cream city brick? The bar is backed by the checkered ivory layers – again, cozy.
The walls didn’t have a whole lot of activity, but there were a few large sections of piano innards hanging on the walls. Very cool, but a little out of place in the garage room with the orange walls. Something old and something new, per chance?
After walking around gawking at the layout and design of the Tavern, I finally decided to hit the bar and refuel the buzz that I had been working on since that afternoon. I decide to order a custom cocktail that a few friends and I had come up with many summers ago during a late night beer garden-session in Burlington, Wisconsin. The cocktail is called a “Special, Special.” It’s vodka, club soda, lemonade and a splash of cranberry to cut the bite – very refreshing. Upon placing my request (in my experience, bartenders enjoy learning new drinks) the bartender gave a small eye-roll, turned and, with obvious offense to my request, proceeded to make the drink. As an expert in body language, I could read she was not happy with my order. Ok, well, as a bartender you fill drink orders, no need for the dash of sass. (Bartenders reading this, did I cross a line that I am unaware of? Leave a comment with your thoughts.)
Brushing off the bit of attitude at the bar, we retreated out to the patio where we ran into some friends who were also looking for an evening of outdoor cocktails. I refrained from bringing up my recent body language reading, as I figured I would be going back for another cocktail soon enough and I could re-asses the situation.
Moments later, I was, in fact, back at the bar. I figured, at this point, I’d throw out a barkeep mainstay. I asked the same bartender, “Can you make a Grey Goose martini, dirty please.” Now, following this drink order, I received an “uh huh” in response. Ok, that’s better than before, right?
Normally, I don’t criticize my drinks too much, maybe because I drink beer and Jack and Cokes – that’s bartending preschool – but, I do know that the chemistry/mixology of a martini is hard to get exact…I’ve had many failed attempts. And I also know if a bartender is asked to make a drink he doesn’t know how to make, he need to admit his lack of knowledge and get some help or request another drink be ordered. Considering those theories, let’s just say the martini I ordered was not good. To add insult to injury, the olive was smaller than a doorknob on a mouse’s house…if mouse’s had houses. BUT, I drank it anyway. Why? Well, it’s either in my belly or down the drain, and the drain at Tonic Tavern does not deserve Grey Goose.
The patio is the highlight of the Tavern, no doubt about it. And I understand that bartenders are human beings and can have bad days. But when your work is based off of your customer interaction and bartending skills, I’d do my best to put all of my problems aside and focus on making great drinks. That, or start drinking. Whatever my bartender was going through that night, it’s ok. I’ll be back. There’s potential for some good times and great oldies at Tonic Tavern.
