Sorry if my column’s a tad short this week. I’ve decided to start training for the 2012 Olympics in London. It’s just a question of events: table tennis or mascots?
Unless, of course, Martin Short needs a new synchronized swimming partner.
But before we forget about the Olympics for another four years (or two, if you’re partial to the ice and snow), a few final thoughts on the best moments from the past fortnight.
Unless you’d rather read about Brett Favre or the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah, I thought so.
Biggest Star
We’ll start with an easy one. Twenty years from now, when we’re deciding between Chelsea Clinton and Jenna Bush for president of the North American Federation, these will be remembered as the Michael Phelps Olympics. And despite those record-breaking eight gold medals, he’ll be remembered for two things: long fingernails, and looking like this.
Best Team
U.S.men’s basketball. Thanks, fellas, for making us look good again. Not just on the court, but off it.
Best Gymnastic Routine
The award doesn’t go to all-around champ Nastia Liukin. Or pixie superstar Shawn Johnson. Or even those preteen, er… 16-year-old… Chinese gymnasts. No, the honor goes to local girl Chellsie Memmel. Think I’m just being a homer for the pride of West Allis? Then you try sticking that uneven bars landing with a broken ankle.
Best U.S. Medalist You Don’t Know
Henry Cejudo is just 21, barely out of diapers when it comes to international wrestling, and he’s already an Olympic champion. But judging by the rest of his life story, winning gold was the easy part. Reading about the son of illegal Mexican immigrants brought to mind this Milwaukee Magazine feature on that divisive issue. And regardless of your feelings on the subject, what’s not up for debate is this: Cejudo turned a rough start into a golden opportunity.
Best Athletic Freak
Usain Bolt. He made the world’s fastest men look slower than NBC’s rhythmic gymnastics coverage. And speaking of the glittered ones…
Best Rhythmic Gymnastics Apparatus
Sorry, all you rope fans. It’s definitely the ribbon.
Best Big-Screen TV
The megalithic video ring atop the Bird’s Nest is a sport’s fan’s dream. Can we get one here at Miller Park? You think Prince Fielder and CC Sabathia look big now?
Worst Acting Gig
The next time you’re bummed about your working conditions, spare a thought for the Chinese actors who endured tremendous suffering to prep for the Opening Ceremonies. Things didn’t improve for the Closing Ceremonies, either. Because like the rest of us, they still had to watch Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page atop that London bus.
Best Ending
Hugh McCutcheon’s Olympics began with the stabbing of his in-laws and ended with an unlikely gold medal for his U.S. men’s volleyball team. How do you possibly wrap your head around that? The coach did his best. “This isn’t any vindication. This isn’t anything that is going to alter any outcome. … We can be happy and feel a twinge of sadness, as well.”
Got some favorite Olympic memories of your own? I’d love to hear them.
In other news…
Packers Backers
Now that Aaron Rodgers saddled up the Denver Broncos in his latest preseason outing, think Packers fans will finally lay off him and worry about something important? Like the health of Ryan Grant, perhaps?
Nah, me either.
You Like Us. You Really Like Us.
In case you hadn’t noticed, Milwaukee is officially a baseball town again. Before the season is out, Miller Park will have the 3 million fans to prove it.
Unless you like standing a lot, or dealing with scalpers, it’s pretty much impossible to get a Brewers ticket these days. The club has sold out 21 straight games, easily a team record, and players say they’re playing better because of it.
None of this surprises manager Ned Yost, who says he foresaw the day that the Brewers would draw 3 million fans. Let’s just hope he’s as prescient with his pitching changes down the stretch.
And finally…
When Adam Sandler makes Happy Gilmore II, he needs to call my new golfing partner Curtis. Because at SportsRadio 1250’s charity golf tournament on Friday, I watched the teenager imitate Happy’s running-windup shot to perfection, right down to its 300-yard flight. Several times.
I only wish I had video to share, but since I don’t, enjoy the original.
Tune in every Tuesday morning during the 6 o’clock hour when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM for Tuesdays with Howie. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
