In a world guided by clichés and filled with people trying to avoid them, there is one that will always remain: the all too important, Girl’s Night Out.
We all do it and shamelessly, but you have got to admit how daunting the GNO can be. Now, before I get into it I should mention that the GNO takes on many different forms throughout different phases in life. Here they are.
PHASE ONE: 6- 12 years old
We call the GNO a Sleepover. Generally, permission must be granted before the overnight adventure can take place. It typically involves some sort of Disney feature, hot pink sleeping bags, a couple of freaked out hours on the Ouiji Board and chocolate-chip pancakes in the morning, courtesy of mom, of course.
PHASE TWO: 13- 17 years old
This is the poignant point in a girl’s life where it’s all about getting dropped off and picked up. The drop off includes, but certainly was never limited to, the movies, the mall, a football or basketball game, the skating rink, a coffee shop and maybe even the art museum. Times of drop off and pick up were strictly enforced. At this point, the sleepover slowly goes out of style only to come back into play during the college dorm years.
PHASE THREE: 18 years-old
Generally, we are in college and the sleepover becomes more involuntary than voluntary due to the fact that passing out (or blacking out) is so much more apart of life. GNO consists of finding places that have barrels, boys and (yes, I’m saying it) bedrooms. This is the point in life where the evening starts as all girls, and ends with text messages and phone calls saying, “I’m at this address. Let’s meet in the cafeteria at 10 for breakfast.” Well, at least that’s how it went in my circle.
PHASE FOUR: Twenty-something and Brilliantly Glamorous
Okay, then the twenties hit and this is probably the most fun and most fulfilling of all the phases of the GNO. It all starts with a plan. New outfit that accentuates, a shoe with an absolute minimum of a 3.5 inch heel that elongates, a blow-out that ensures shine and a purse full of cash that you are secretly hoping you won’t use any of. The GNO is usually never executed on a Friday or Saturday night. Why is that, you ask? Well, you must be new to this because bars have the best business on those nights, for one. So they give you, the lady, all of their best specials during the week.
For example, my favorite Girl’s Night Out in Milwaukee is Wednesday nights at Vituccis (1832 E. North Ave.) Ladies receive four iconic GNO tokens at the door that are your free pass to free drinks. I say iconic because they have been using the same token for the same event for decades.
I remember, sometime during phase one, finding some of the tokens while going through my mom’s jewelry box. It wouldn’t be until phase four that I would come to find out what they are used for. And that brings me to:
PHASE FIVE: Contemplating Botox years old
Scary to think about what happens after phase four, isn’t it? Anti-aging serums are now a necessity instead of a precaution and when you look at pictures from phase four you think, “Damn, I looked good back then!”
Does this mean the GNO takes the form of an Oprah book club or even worse, Sunday afternoon baby and bridal showers? Good god, I’m getting heart palpitations just thinking about life after phase four. Ladies, if you are currently in phase five, redeem my faith in aging. What do you do for fun with the girls?
Phases three, four and five, here are some words of advice from the girl who’s done it all:
Phase three, don’t be trashy and at least try to act the age that your rectangular piece of plastic claims you to be. If it says you are 27 years old great. But keep in mind that those girls don’t generally dance on tables unless their chosen profession involves clear shoes and a metal pole. Dancing on tables may be fun now, but when you are in phase four, you’ll only be known as that-girl-who-danced-on-a-table. It will take many moons for you to get rid of that alias.
Milwaukee is a fishbowl, remember that.
Ladies in four, you probably already know this list like you know the numbers for the three nearest Jimmy John locations, so you’re good.
And my phase five ladies: Do yourselves a favor and print this list, give it to the husband and make sure he doesn’t loose it. It’s going to come in handy when he needs to pick you up because you’ve had too much fun to accurately tell him the address of the place you are at.
That’s the way it should be happening, anyway. None of this I want to come home at 10 p.m. and watch a romantic comedy, crap. That’s what Sunday’s are for.
Vitucci’s – Wednesday
1832 E North Ave.
If you’re of the female variety, walk into the door and receive four wooden tokens. Each one is good for one drink.
Mikeys- Wednesday
811 N. Jefferson St.
From 8:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. ladies enjoy $4 Effen and Pearl vodka mixers.
Moct- Wednesday
240 E. Pittsburgh Ave.
This is perhaps the best ladies night in town. All night, enjoy $10 bottles of Little Black Dress wines and take advantage of the complimentary cheese platter, too.
Hi-Hat Garage- Thursday
1701 N. Arlington
Ladies, enjoy two free martinis from 9 p.m. to close every Thursday.
Cans Bar and Canteen- Thursday
1815 E. Kenilworth
Every Thursday all martinis are only $2. Enjoy cosmos, sidecars and their newest martini the tomato martini made with premium Three Olives tomato vodka.
Apt. 720– Thursday
718 N. Milwaukee St.
Tonight, the cover is only $5 and all vodka mixers are free for the ladies.
Have a Nice Day Café- Thursday
1101 N. Old World Third St.
No cover for ladies tonight and rail vodka mixers are free until midnight. After that, ladies enjoy $2 vodka mixers until the lights come on.
Kenadees- Friday
725 N. Milwaukee St.
Every Friday, Kendadees gives you seven different martinis for only $5. Drink the Blood Orange followed by the Purple Haze. Get their early and enjoy the V.I.P. lounge all to yourselves.
Moct- Friday and Saturday
240 E. Pittsburg Ave.
From 9-11 p.m. ladies enjoy free Finlandia vodka mixers.
