I’m so confused.
Not because our legal system is reduced to choosing between The Naked Cowboy and M&Ms, nor because somebody proudly calls himself The Naked Cowboy.
Not because Jesus apparently discovered a replacement for the Pearly Gates, or that he had to share the spotlight with that dude in the hot tub.
No, what I can’t figure out is the Milwaukee Bucks. Tommy Flanagan was more consistent. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
The Bucks aren’t pathological liars, just pathologically frustrating.
Just when you thought they might be good (a 7-4 start, wins over LeBron’s Cavaliers, Dirk’s Mavericks and Kobe’s Lakers), they go bad. As in two months bad. As in 19-34 before the All-Star break bad. As in blowing 17-point leads to the Knicks bad.
Fine, so they’re bad. We’re all adults here. We can accept that. It happens. Bring on the Lottery, then bring on the Brewers.
But now comes the confusing part.
Because just when they convinced us they’re bad, they start looking good. Good enough to beat East beast Detroit. Good enough to not just beat Uncle George’s Nuggets, but rally from a 23-point deficit to do so.
I watched both games in disbelief, because the teams that beat Detroit and Denver were not the teams that went 19-34. They played stretches of solid defense. They made gut checks instead of folding in crunch time, and it paid off with the most impressive wins of the season.
And therein lies the frustration. If the Bucks are good enough to do it some of the time, why can’t they do it all of the time? OK, most of the time. Heck, in the Eastern Conference, half of the time would do.
It must drive guys like Herb Kohl and Larry Harris and Larry K absolutely loopy. They get glimpses of what could be, what should be. But those glimpses are overshadowed by long, lingering gazes at what has been.
The Bucks could be a playoff team. They’ve proven that.
But they’ve spent far longer proving they’re not one.
There’s still time to clear up any confusion.
This week’s pop quiz
1) By winning the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship, his fourth straight tournament victory, what did Tiger Woods prove?
A) That he escaped Krypton just before it exploded.
B) That he was bitten by a radioactive spider.
C) That he soaked up a few too many gamma rays.
D) That the Sports Nut read too many comic books as a child.
2) Why are University of Tennessee men’s basketball fans so happy?
A) Because the Volunteers, for the first time in team history, are ranked No. 1 after beating previously top-ranked Memphis.
B) Because coach Bruce Pearl kept his shirt on for the entire game.
3) Why did the Chicago Bears re-sign quarterback Rex Grossman?
A) Because he’s still got those pictures of Jerry Angelo.
B) Because Kyle Orton’s beard scares small children.
C) Because Sid Luckman is dead.
In other news…
Fitting the Bill?
It appears that Bucks general manager Larry Harris has some serious competition for his job. No, not from Doug Collins or even Larry Brown. It’s someone far more popular.
It’s ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons.
The Boston apologist, NBA junkie and ESPN Trade Machine addict dropped his two cents on the NBA trade deadline last week, and the Bucks figured prominently in his column. So at least the Bucks made trade news somewhere.
But while pitching trade ideas that send away Michael Redd, Charlie Bell, Charlie Villanueva, Bobby Simmons in exchange for guys like Ben Wallace, Luol Deng and Drew Gooden, Simmons also pitched himself as the next Bucks GM.
Hey, at least the press conferences would be funnier.
What’s Brewing?
Elsewhere in the ESPN.com universe, Jerry Crasnick spent some spring training time with the Brewers last week. And while you have to wonder about someone who classifies Yovani Gallardo’s knee surgery as just a “minor setback,” it’s good to see the Brewers hanging around on the national radar while the icicles are still hanging from our eyebrows.
And finally…
In case you missed it, Alton Jones won the 2008 Bassmaster Classic by catching 49 pounds, 7 ounces worth of fish.
His reward was $500,000 and, much to the relief of wife Jimmye Sue, a very long shower.
Tune in every Tuesday morning from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
