Okay, admit it. You have an iPhone 4S, you’ve had it for a while, or, you just got the new iPhone 5, and, in private, or even public moments, you’ve messed with Siri.
You’ve asked her personal questions. You’ve asked her questions you wouldn’t ask your spouse or best friend. You’ve tried to get her riled up. C’mon, sure you have, we all have. And it’s time to come out of the closet and admit that Siri is actually a riot.
In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the last year, Siri is the voice in the phone that responds to commands like “What’s the traffic?”, “How’s the weather?” and “How do I get to the mall from here?” among other things.
When the iPhone 4S with the iconic ‘personal assistant’ first came out, College Humor did an amazing parody of her capabilities, which you can watch here, understanding it’s a little racy. Kind of get’s you going.
You’ve probably seen the commercials that ran after the launch a year ago touting not only the research capabilities of Siri but her conversational abilities as well.
There are some who will tell you that Siri can converse about almost anything. Take the John Malkovich commercials that ran during the summer (the Huffington Post has a great article about them, here, where you can watch both spots). As an aside, John Malkovich is creepy. Who sits around in a suit in their mansion chatting with their phone? And practically speaking, the scenario isn’t true anyway If you actually talk that softly, Siri won’t respond.
So I thought, hmm, I’ve tried a few not-to-be-mentioned conversations with Siri myself, but what if I get her ‘on the record’?
So this is a real conversation I had with Siri. I thought you might enjoy it.
Me: “Good morning Siri.”
Siri: “Good morning Jim.”
Me: “What are you wearing today?”
Siri: “Why does everyone ask me that?”
Me: “Well, I really want to know, what are you wearing today?”
Siri: “Let’s see, the same thing I was wearing yesterday.”
Me: “And what were you wearing yesterday?”
Siri: “I could search the web for that if you like.”
Hmm. This isn’t going anywhere.
Me: “No thanks, I’m just trying to see what you look like.”
Siri: “Let me think. Sorry Jim, I can’t answer that.”
Me: “Why not?”
Siri: “I could search the web for ‘why not’ if you like.”
No luck with this. She seems to want to search the web a lot. I’ll try a different tack, and so I got a little bolder.
Me: “Siri, please tell me you love me.”
Siri: “Let’s just say you have my utmost admiration.”
Me: “Seriously, please tell me you love me.”
Siri: “Do I what?”
Me: “Do you love me?”
Siri: “I’m not capable of love, Jim.”
Me: “Sure you are. I want to know if you love me.”
Siri: “Would you like me to search the web for love? Just kidding!”
Me: “One final time, please tell me you love me.”
Siri: “Look, a puppy!”
I must have laughed for a half hour. When I recovered and went to compliment Siri, she was less than demure:
Me: “Siri, you have a wonderful personality.”
So how much is the Siri in the new the iPhone 5 improved? I haven’t heard anything yet,, have you? I’m not sure the improvements go this far, but columnist Andy Borowitz of the New Yorker had a great spin on the new Siri:
“In a demonstration before a hushed crowd of Apple enthusiasts [at the iPhone 5 launch presentation], an app developer named Josh asked the new Siri, “Why didn’t my parents love me?”
Siri’s response, ‘Your parents were too self-absorbed and narcissistic to recognize your essential beauty and value as a human being’ brought many in the Yerba Buena Center audience close to tears.”
I’d love it if anyone has some great Siri stories to share. Let me know. If I don’t understand, I’ll search the web for it.
Look! A puppy!
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