Milwaukee radio station WMSE (91.7 FM) has recently partnered with beloved local restaurants Honeypie, Comet Café and Palomino in a fun and delectable way to raise funds. As part of its “Burger Slam,” the trio of eateries each has two unique in-house burgers with puns honoring Milwaukee bands of past and present. There’s the “John The Sandwich” (for John The Savage), “Def Farmonic” (Def Harmonic), “Collections Of Colonies Of Beef” (Collections Of Colonies of Bees), “Compound Red Meat” (Compound Red), “Call Meat Lightning” (Call Me Lightning) and “Chickpea Flambeau” (Couch Flambeau).
I personally indulged in the latter two this week. Shoving tasty calories into my craw for the sake of local radio never tasted this good. However, the hyper-localized fund-grazer (PATENT PENDING!) ends Sept. 13, leaving me four burgers short of eating my way through Milwaukee music. I sincerely hope this type of fundraiser occurs next year (and beyond). Riding my meat high, I took the liberty of thinking of 20 more local band sandwich puns for use in future Burger Slams, and even some ingredients.
Soy Low – A satisfying soy patty sandwich honoring Soul Low. Like the band, you’re not sure what to expect at first. After the first bite, you feel foolish for not ordering it earlier.
The Fatty Asses – I could take an Omega-3 route with a burger to be named in respects to The Fatty Acids, but the fat road is a much more fun way to go. The “buns” will be Grebe’s jelly donuts. There will be two beef patties injected with ranch dressing and melted cheese. Additionally, we’ll add two Klement’s brat patties, four slices of cheese, a sliced jalapeno pepper, four slices of bacon and a fried egg incorporated into this fatty’s delight. Die the next day.
Table & The World Flatbread Pita – A flatbread pita in the likeness of sleek indie band Fable & The World Flat. Like the band it references, the pita would be expertly constructed and have multiple layers. And chicken for some reason.
The Ham-pionship – A no-frills burger that – like timeless folk rockers The Championship – is simple and always satisfying. I imagine it topped with pepperjack cheese, slathered in barbeque sauce with a side of beer battered onion rings.
Buffalo-Burger Gospel – Like Buffalo Gospel to The Championship, this sandwich will be identifiable to the burger above, except with a lean hunk of ground buffalo in place of traditional beef.
Surgeons In Meat – Made for Surgeons In Heat, this sloppy pulled pork sandwich is stitched together with coleslaw and a hunk of cheddar cheese crammed between a Wild Flour Bakery wheat bun.
Faux Burg – A spicy seitan “faux boy” that will have you singing the praises of both WMSE and the inspiring act (Faux Fir) on high.
Volcano Chorizo – I don’t know; maybe a chorizo burger with a zesty “volcano” sauce on it. This one has all the letters of Volcano Choir in it, so…
Hugh Bob & The Muscles – Like Hugh Bob himself, the crux of this sandwich consists of a big fish taken from a small pond. That fish is then pan-fried and topped with a heap of shrimp and muscles. Slide the amalgam between a hunk of buttered rye bread.
Animals In Carbohydrate Attire – Like Animals In Human Attire, the sandwich would be weird, but very good once you’ve fully processed what you’ve taken in. A BLT with a burger patty and chicken breast added to the mix. Serve between two thick slices of sourdough bread.
Painted Cakes – Painted Caves melds numerous elements that wouldn’t seem to work together into something wonderful, widely accessible and oh-so easy to consume. Thus, Painted Cakes could be Maryland crab cakes set atop toasted French bread, painted with middle-eastern condiments like tahini and tabbouleh. “There will never be another you,” you’ll whisper to the sandwich, holding back tears.
Calf-a-combz – Eclectic purveyors of atmospheric rock ‘n’ roll, Catacombz, probably wouldn’t endorse being the inspiration for a veal sandwich. Sorry, dudes. At least I didn’t leave the name and make it a cat meat hoagie or something.
The Promise Wing – As pioneers of emo’s second wave, The Promise Ring deserves a sandwich as timeless and influential as they were. A chicken salad wrap with chopped celery and almond slivers sounds about right.
Fresh Cold Cut Collective – Our own Abby Callard thought of this one for Fresh Cut Collective. It’s one of the best.
Field Reportabella – In its brief (and ongoing) tenure as Milwaukee’s music ambassador, Field Report has earned a sandwich as tender and widely beloved as their music is. If you can’t get behind a portabella mushroom sautéed in garlic butter, topped with roasted red peppers and Swiss cheese and placed between toasted honey oat flat bread, I don’t want to know you. Same goes for those who can’t get behind Field Report.
Patty McCurdy – Like its namesake, the Patty McCurdy (a burger topped with white cheddar cheese curds doused in imitation nacho cheese sauce) will be beyond cheesy. Also like its namesake, it won’t be very good.
Midwest Death Cattle – A morbid homage to Midwest Death Rattle in the form of three locally sourced beef patties (still pink in the middle). Keeping with the Midwest theme, there will be four types of cheese and the buns will be repurposed elephant ears, a county fair staple.
Since By Ham – Someone screams in your ear while you eat a ham sandwich in memory of since defunct hardcore band Since By Man.
Gyro Of A Hundred Bites – Hero Of A Hundred Fights was an incredible Milwaukee math rock band in the late ‘90s. If this band doesn’t warrant a family-sized gyro made to recognize their greatness, no band deserves it.
Tempeh Tempeh – A vegan sandwich made solely because its name bears a phonetic similarity to Temper Temper, a former Milwaukee band who once had a song on The O.C.
Do you have any more Milwaukee music sandwich puns? Add them in the comments section.